On Parenthood and the Skillful Way to Do It

Who among us parents have not bawled out in frustration over our noble vocation and privilege of parenthood? If you haven’t complained yet, then you’re definitely a saint!

Well, there is a school of thought that is loving and understanding both to the bewildered parents and the even more bewildered children.

Of course, parenthood is not all about frustration, but we have to admit that children can be a handful especially when deadlines are to be met, bills are piling up and the dear kids sound out their demands for the this or that.

Thankfully, there are recourses in the books authored by the late Dr. Ginnot who is the forerunner of healthy communication in parenthood and everyone in the childcare industry.

It’s all about validating feelings:

“Mom, I hate my teacher.”

How do we respond?

Normally we say, “Don’t even think of it, honey. We don’t hate, just forgive.” And understandably so.

But this doesn’t alleviate the feelings of the child or the situation itself. Hate, though strong and scary, is a real emotion. What kids need, though, is not the invalidation, but just the need to be heard. We, parents, don’t necessarily have to understand, but to listen.

So, what I understand from Dr. Ginnot’s books, we say:

“You must really feel strongly about what your teacher did. You sound so mad. Want to talk about it?”

And that’s just in a nutshell, not to mention it takes a lifetime to practice. (Believe me, I’ve relapsed so many times – and Dr. Ginnot says, I’m sure you’ll agree, a good and heartfelt apology is called for).

So what are these books I’m talking about? Check out “Between Parent and Child”, “Teacher and Child” and “Between Parent and Teenager”. These books are gems in the childcare and education businesses.

It is a loving addition to the library of any parent who loves their kids but are beaten by the nitty gritty of daily life and want a new way of dealing with children in a realistic and loving manner.

Book Report: Healing the Child Within by Whitfield

I just found out yesterday that it is my turn to present a book report as part of our monthly requirement at work.

With only three days to do blitz-read and understand the material, my boss suggested that I read “Healing the Child Within” by Charles L. Whitfield, M.D.

Thank God I am jargon-savvy on 12 Steps Recovery tools and principles that it has not been such a tedious task to skim and get what this author has lovingly compiled.

Healing the Child Within is a recovery book on how to reclaim the our True Self which has been stifled by dysfunctions, abuse (unwittingly or consciously done) by our families and the world at large. The book proposes that wounded children are survivors by the mere fact that they are still alive to this day despite the subtle atrocities that are done to them on a daily basis. This stifles the Inner Child which is basically spontaneous, loving and creative (among other characteristics) and distorts the person’s sense of reality, thus bringing suffering and chaos in one’s life. The order of the day is to work on Core Issues through the spiritual practice of trusting Life’s processes by means of a therapist, counselor or a support group (all of whom should have the requisite of working their own life issues if the process is to be a healing, instead of a further harmful one).

I am writing in long hand the notes and bullets of this gem of a book and am learning more and more about Life and the practical solutions in dealing with people at work and my own family as well.

Here is a sneak peak into the life’s work of Charles Whitfield. Click here to be redirected to the source.