Who among us parents have not bawled out in frustration over our noble vocation and privilege of parenthood? If you haven’t complained yet, then you’re definitely a saint!
Well, there is a school of thought that is loving and understanding both to the bewildered parents and the even more bewildered children.
Of course, parenthood is not all about frustration, but we have to admit that children can be a handful especially when deadlines are to be met, bills are piling up and the dear kids sound out their demands for the this or that.
Thankfully, there are recourses in the books authored by the late Dr. Ginnot who is the forerunner of healthy communication in parenthood and everyone in the childcare industry.
It’s all about validating feelings:
“Mom, I hate my teacher.”
How do we respond?
Normally we say, “Don’t even think of it, honey. We don’t hate, just forgive.” And understandably so.
But this doesn’t alleviate the feelings of the child or the situation itself. Hate, though strong and scary, is a real emotion. What kids need, though, is not the invalidation, but just the need to be heard. We, parents, don’t necessarily have to understand, but to listen.
So, what I understand from Dr. Ginnot’s books, we say:
“You must really feel strongly about what your teacher did. You sound so mad. Want to talk about it?”
And that’s just in a nutshell, not to mention it takes a lifetime to practice. (Believe me, I’ve relapsed so many times – and Dr. Ginnot says, I’m sure you’ll agree, a good and heartfelt apology is called for).
So what are these books I’m talking about? Check out “Between Parent and Child”, “Teacher and Child” and “Between Parent and Teenager”. These books are gems in the childcare and education businesses.
It is a loving addition to the library of any parent who loves their kids but are beaten by the nitty gritty of daily life and want a new way of dealing with children in a realistic and loving manner.
Gotta Love Me * 